Discount Airlines Announce: Don’t want to sit next to a peacock on your next flight? That will be extra.

Dear United Airlines,

It recently came to my attention that you denied access to an emotional support peacock on one of your flights. I don’t know what all the fan fair is about. As someone who gets mild, undiagnosed anxiety when flying, I applaud your decision. There are already so many worries when flying. Will I make it to the airport on time? Will the security line be long? Will my eyes get pecked out by an emotional support animal?

Will my eyes get pecked out by an emotional support animal?

The last thing I need to worry about is whether the passenger beside me is a feathered friend, or if that feathered friend made a mess on the floor near security where I am walking around barefoot like someone who has never flown before.

The first problem with peacocks flying domestic is the bird’s feathers. Will they cause my eyes to water and my nose to run? I don’t have time for allergies.

The second problem is the peacock’s beak. Is it muzzled, or is it free to peck Willy Nilly wherever it wants? I don’t want my eye pecked out by a peacock when I’m just trying to get to my cousin’s wedding.

The third problem is a little more personal. Will the peacock wear a diaper, or has it been trained to properly and efficiently use an airplane bathroom? What about flushing the toilet? Also, if I use the bathroom after the peacock, can I contract the avian bird flu?

There are just so many unanswered questions. Until you have thoughtfully sorted out answers to these pressing questions, I applaud your decision to shut down the peacock party.

P.S. I noticed on your website that you also restrict hoofed animals and animals with tusks from flying. Would this affect an emotional support Kangaroo?

Warmest Regards,

KangarooZoo

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