Oscar Mayer Introduces Salmon Deli Slices

Hoping to capitalize on the recent trend towards fresh, healthier meals, Oscar Mayer has formulated a new selection in the deli aisle: salmon sandwich slices. Similar to their turkey or bologna counterparts, the slices come pre-packaged and ready to use. Recipes on the back of the package suggest pairing with cream cheese and chives.

What do you think? Would you try salmon slices?

Brave Woman Steps Out Wearing a Scrunchy

Saying she faces ridicule from colleagues, friends and even strangers, Emily Fontina has made the brave decision to step out publicly wearing a scrunchy.

Emily says that some people aren’t ready to accept scrunchies as a legitimate fashion choice. However, that’s not going to stop her from expressing her style and speaking up for freedom of expression for all hairstyles.

Scrunchies are the yoga pants of 2018, says Emily. At first, people mock the look, then they try it at home, until eventually, they stop wearing anything not made of soft stretchy fabric. Emily says she will continue to advocate for scrunchies until they are accepted both on the runway and in the workplace.

What do you think? Would you wear a scrunchy out of the house?

Local Mom Will Sure Miss Buying Overpriced Toys at ToysRUs

It was magic, going to the giant toy store as a child, reminisces local mom Ann Setter.

But going as an adult, with a small child? “Less magical. As an adult, a brown box waiting at the front door seems like a fairytale”, she says. “What ToysRUs missed is the magic of shopping on my couch, or during a boring soccer practice. I can skip the trip and the tantrum, and still win big at birthday parties without ever lifting more than a finger”.

Everyone Knows They’re Going to Catch the Flu When Pat Starts Wearing Puffy Jacket Around the Office

We all knew it was over when Pat started shivering and wearing his puffy jacket INSIDE the office

Pat started coughing on a Tuesday. On Wednesday his cubicle had turned into a battle zone overflowing with tissues, tea elixirs and cough syrups. But on Thursday, when he started wearing his puffy jacket IN the office, we all knew it was over – Pat was going to get everyone sick and there was nothing we could do about it.

Fergie Starts Petition to Make The Statue of Liberty Sexier

Stating that the Statue of Liberty appears outdated dressed in its original flowing robe, Fergie has started a petition to renovate the Statue of Liberty.

Her petition contends that historic relics should be evaluated to ensure they stay on point with current trends and appeal to modern society. The Statue of Liberty’s flowing robe stands in stark, historical contrast to more modern trends such as ripped jeans and flannel shirts. Fergie’s proposal suggests updating the robe to a more modern off-the shoulder dress and adding contour to Lady Liberty’s face. She has faced backlash for her petition, with many opponents contending that historical relics should be cherished and preserved in their original form.

Trump Solves Healthcare Crisis by Mailing Every American a First Aid Kit

Citing rising health care costs as motivation for the new plan, the Trump Administration unveils a new health care solution that provides every American with their own first aid kit.

The kit, which will be delivered by mail, will include health care essentials such as bandaids, anti-bacterial wipes and tweezers. In addition to the first aid essentials, the Trump Administration has alluded that the box may be expanded to include Flintstone Vitamins.

Republicans boast that the plan will save billions as it phases out the need for Medicaid and motivates citizens to take personal responsibility for any healthcare needs outside of those provided in the kit.

Finally! Fish Oil Supplements Not Sourced from Goldfish

Goldfish

Amazon Review “Quality Encapsulation, Omega 3 Fish Oil”

These are fish oil supplements. They are easy to swallow with water. I did not try to swallow them with any other liquid, so I can’t tell you how they would go down with prune juice or diet club soda. They come in a white bottle printed with the brand details and recommended dosage. I keep the bottle inside my fridge on the first shelf in the door, so I know where to find them, but the label definitely helps. Labels are sure handy.I have taken multiple types of fish oil over the last several years, and did not notice any difference when I switched to this brand. So it may deserve 5 stars, but since I did no independent lab testing, I can’t be sure. I did not notice any fish smell, or any fishy side effects, for that matter. These fish oil pills did not improve my ability to swim underwater or grow scales.

These fish oil pills did not improve my ability to swim underwater or grow scales.

The fish oil capsules are clear, so you can see the oil inside each capsule is a light yellow. Seems like the right color, based on other fish oil pills I have taken in the past. I would be a bit suspicious if they were another color. Thankfully this company does not source any of the oils from goldfish.